Well thanks to my friend’s wonderful way of explaining she has apparently convinced the SWW that she should continue to work with us.  The key will be that I will no longer communicate via email with the SWW only through my friend and the telephone.

The sad thing is that the SWW took Christine to the dr. and had her tested and alas she IS positive for HIV.  My husband just doesn’t think we can handle taking care of an HIV positive child, so we are back to square one with no referral.  Part of me is sad, but the rest of me is still hopeful as the SWW is planning to search out another child for us.  What a wonder and I am so grateful!

 I encourage anyone adopting from Zambia to be careful not to ask too many questions of the SWWs.  It’s best to ask them over the telephone and only deal with one thing at a time.  I feel it’s also extremly helpful to find a contact in Zambia that will speak for you and be a go-between.  This helps to prevent any miscommunication which has been the major issue in this adoption for us.

 So again there is hope! 

I’ve been hanging on to a small shred of hope…but tonight it was dashed.  My friend spoke with the SWW and she never would say if Christine is actually available nor would she tell her where she is located. 

She told my friend that emails I have sent her continue to make her “uncomfortable” and she doesn’t know if she wants to go through with our adoption plans.  I have only insisted that she be 100% honest with me.  Apparently that is just too much for her to handle.  I have apologized profusely for the miscommunication if any and she on the telephone seems to accept that and leads me on with words and hope when in actuality she doesn’t intend to continue at all.  Does she think that I will just go away if she keeps putting me off a bit?

I am beyond devasted at this news.  That coupled with a negative pregnancy test this week is just hitting me really hard right now.  I know my husband is not willing to try another country and go through all the paperwork again.  This was my last hope to adopt a sister for my dd to share her life with.  I’m just—lost, so lost.

My new friend was supposed to meet with the SWW last night but I haven’t heard yet if she succeeded in doing so.  I’ll update here as soon as I know.

It has been suggested to me by my new friend in Zambia that Christine may not be available—as in she may have already been adopted.  When I called the SWW she acted as if everything would be fine for the visit with the Dr. so I’m wondering what to believe?  It’s 2:35 am and I’m sitting here at my computer hoping and praying for some answers.  I can’t make an appointment for a child who doesn’t exist.  This whole adopting independently with no rhyme or reason is starting to take it’s toll on me.  I go from moments of elation to moments of pure despair.  It’s nothing like when we adopted Rani.  Yes it was tough because it was over a year from the time we recieved the first picture of her to the time we brought her home, but there were no worries that she would be taken away from us.  We knew she was ours and we were safe to build a relationship with her in our hearts.  With this child…I’m afraid to even imagine what she might be like for fear that I might get too attached and she’ll be snatched away.  To those of you reading my blog with hopes of someday adopting from Zambia yourselves keep in mind that it’s like being jerked up and down on a yo yo, never knowing if you will actually reach your destination.

No word from the SWW on the information I requested, but I was able to contact a wonderful woman in Zambia who is a friend of a friend.  This woman has agreed to take Cece to the Dr. to have her tested and to have an exam.  She will also find out as much information about her as she can and send me a picture of her as she has a digital camera!!!!  I cannot tell you how ecstatic I am!  I am calling the local Dr. there first thing Monday morning to make the appointment.  I truly pray this goes smoothly and that we have more information soon.  I’m on pins and needles!

The Social Welfare worker in Zambia told me she would email me today with Cece’s birthdate and abandonment information.  Alas it’s 9pm in Zambia and no email from her.  I’m dying to know more about this little sweetie!  I’m going to wait until Tuesday, and if she hasn’t emailed…I guess I’ll call her again.

The only thing we know about her is that her name is Christine and she is aproximately 2 years old.  Hopefully I’ll have her exact birthdate by the end of the week.  I’m trying not to get too excited because we don’t know her HIV status yet…but I’m very hopeful.  My husband and I have decided that HIV is just the one thing we can’t handle.  So I’m praying she’s negative and that we can bring her home!

We are also hoping that an infant girl will become available before we travel, as we are approved for two and I really want to adopt a baby.  Keep us in your prayers!  I’m just so excited.  I had to share the news!

 We are tentatively planning to name her Cecelia Christine and call her Cece.  We have a first cousin with a dd named Christine who is about the same age and we see them often.  Also, I’m not fond of the nick names Chris or Chrissie and I’m a nickname kinda gal.  I figure with the language barrier, Cece won’t sound much different to her than our pronunciation of Christine would.

 Anyhow…Rejoice~!