Well, today didn’t start off any better than yesterday. She cried and whimpered all day today rather than screaming so that’s a plus. Last night I tried a little holding therapy on her thinking maybe I could get her to let it out and of course it backfired. Now she really hates me. I held her tight and looked into her eyes. She was screaming at me in Oriyan and I of course have no idea what she was saying to me. She tried to hit me so I held her hand and said “No! No hit Rani.” She looked into my eyes and said “Mommy No!” I said “Mommy no? OK” and I let her go. I guess the fact that she actally communicated with me is positive and the fact that she finally went to the bathroom(that was about 7:00 pm and she hadn’t peed all day) during it is sort of positive. Let’s just say that she truly hates me now. She is absolutely glued to Dave and the poor guy is exhausted! She literally has to be on him every second or she is freaking out. Dave is doing so well. He’s being so patient and I just waver between bawling and staring. I am so lost. I have no idea what to do for her. So basically I’m letting Dave be the mom and staying out of the way.
We did meet a few other couples who are adopting. They were adopting more children so it was not their first adoption and the reassured me that she will come around. It was such a relief to hear, because I’ve been feeling so alone and dejected. It’s so hard for me to feel for her loss when she is so negative toward me. And everything I’ve tried has just pushed her farther away from me.
I did get her to smile a bit at me this morning at breakfast. But the rest of the day was just more of the same crying. We said goodbye to our hotel and headed out on the plane to Delhi and she literally sobbed for her room mother throughout the entire two hour flight.
*sigh* I think things are improving. I at least am feeling better. I’m not feeling like I’m in “transition” anymore. I still miss my kids terribly and it kills me that they’ve spent all this time not knowing how we are.
We are still going to take our Agra trip tomorrow. Dave insists and says he’d rather spend all day in a train and see the Taj with her crying than to sit around all day here with her crying. She’ll cry either way. He’s handling it so well, I am so amazed and am so impressed with this side of him. This whole adoption thing was my idea and to see him take this sweet little girl and hold her literally 24 hours a day just blows me away. I never knew he had it in him.
Please keep us in your prayers. The poor thing has had a rough ride so far. She’ll be lucky if she doesn’t come out of this with post traumatic stress disorder. I suppose I will too! LOL BTW the above picture in the last post of her crying is actually a picture I took of her today when Dave set her down for a minute.