September 23, 2004

The honeymoon is over…

Filed under: Becoming her mom — Tamra @ 10:09 pm

Wow, this weekend all heck broke loose at my house!

I’m not sure how coherent this post will be as I’m suffering from stress :wink but I’ll do my best.

My husband went out of town last weekend for a few days with my oldest son. Saturday was the festival of India and it was wonderful as you saw in the last post.

Sunday this child became a different kid! We had to go to church without Dad, something we have not done since she’s been home, I am the nursery worker in our church here and one little girl needed me to hold her(I do every week), and Rani tried to push her off my lap and I didn’t let her. This last “straw” literally pushed her off the edge. She started shrieking! And of course the “advice” from the other moms started coming. I just wanted to say “What do you know about it?”

I finally got the child’s mom to take her daughter so that I could comfort mine. Rani was extremely upset. After a while she started calming down and watching the kids again. She was intent on watching one little boy who was pushing a toy down the baby slide over and over again. All of a sudden Rani jumped up and ran over to take the toy before he could get around the slide to get it. I, of course, made her return the toy which caused a tantrum like none I’d ever seen. It was so disturbing that I had to leave the nursery with her!

Another adoptive mom in my church who is very shy saw me and came over to talk. She told me that it’s normal at this stage for them to start to test you to see if you’ll really keep them. She says what I’m doing is great (I was rubbing her back and rocking her) and that if I keep it up, it will get better. It was nice to hear that. It’s easier if you know it’s a normal part of the process. Kind of like breastfeeding and growthspurts. If you know it’s coming you can deal with it better.

Anyhow, that night DH came back home, and it was still tantrum after tantrum. DH was really getting upset and even told her to “STOP!” At this point I picked her up and took her into her bedroom. I held her very tight and started saying loudly to her the things I thought she wanted to say to me. “Say to Mommy, ‘ I don’t like it when you don’t let me sit where I want to….I don’t like it when you hold Oliver…..I don’t like it when you hold H. at nursery…I’m afraid you will like her more than me and take her home instead!!!”

About halfway into this harangue she stopped screaming and started sobbing. Her little body was wracked with sobs. I rocked her and told her that “I don’t want H. I want you! You’re my girl and you will be forever! I flew clear across the world for you and I’d do it again over and over! You are mine and I will never leave you!!!”

It really helped and she has been able to tantrum less. It’s difficult because I was finally helping Oliver to gain control of himself and then Rani starts. She has started up the “NO!” to every single request. And I will have to write another post about the utter destruction of my house that these two are conducting. I’m one exhausted and emotionally drained mommy right now.

One Response to “The honeymoon is over…”

  1. Kelly Says:

    Wow, Tamra. G-d give you strength! Your little duo is really giving you the full treatment! ‘Wish we lived closer so that I could give you a break! Right now, I have 5 in my house (2 friends are over and a 3rd may come later on- the kids have a professional day today) and they are playing nicely- it is a rare and wonderful day! LOL I hope that they settle down soon and let you catch your breath.
    I have to tell you that I loved your post about how you handled Rani’s tantrums- telling her that she is your little girl, etc. Just the image of you holding her and telling her that brought tears to my eyes.
    Keep the faith- I try to think of my kids’ worst behaviour as G-d just reminding me how badly I wanted them! LOL I’ll be thinking of you and wishing you an extra long nap-time for this afternoon!
    TTYS
    Kelly

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